Tell me if this has happened to you…
You’re on a date and the guy seems really nice.
The waiter comes, you order a glass of cabernet and settle in for what you hope to be a great evening.
“Tell me a bit about yourself?” your date asks.
What begins as a simple intro of what you do and where you’re from, rapidly spirals into you giving him your complete autobiography: why your last relationship ended, your awkward high school phase when your Aunt Gwen gets out of rehab…
… his eyes start to glaze.
Must be allergies, you think to yourself.
“Tell me about you?” You ask.
But before he gets a chance to speak, you realize there is so much more you want to know, so you sneak attack a few more…
“What’s your 5-year plan?
What do you want in a relationship?
Why are you still single? Did she cheat?”
And just like that… he’s out.
Leaving you wondering, just what happened?
Before I get into what’s wrong with this situation, I want to first explain why it happens.
Some women, take the adage, “honesty is the best policy”, to the next level! They don’t want to leave any stone unturned. They want their date to have ALL the information to see if they’re the right fit.
Their core question is: “If you really know me, will you like me?”
For other women, it comes down to their timeline. They stopped viewing dates as fun a loooong time ago… now it’s more of an interview. A necessary means to a hopefully married end.
Their core question is: “Will you meet my checklist? Am I wasting time?”
These women have different motivations but usually experience the same results. Ultimately, the guy is spooked.
When women are in either of these states it doesn’t feel good. It feels frantic and serious. I want you to feel present and relaxed enough to determine whether or not this guy might be a good fit.
So, let’s quickly start by reframing the purpose of a date:
The sole purpose of date #1 is to SEE if you like him enough to get to date #2… The purpose of date #2 is to SEE if you like him enough to get to date #3…
… not to determine whether he’s going to be your baby daddy.
… not to give him your whole life history.
Dating is supposed to be fun (say it again for the people in the back!), and the only way it can be is if you take the pressure off.
Off of him and off of you.
If you’re someone who chronically overshares, I want you to hear me:
Not everyone should have access to your heart.
When you put it all out there but have yet to see if this guy is worthy enough to hold space and handle it, you do yourself dirty.
It’s similar to physical intimacy. When you jump into physical intimacy too quickly, it’s leaving an imbalance emotionally. You’ve overexposed yourself and it’s hard to go back from that.
Now, if you’re a woman on a mission, I want you to evaluate how acting this way makes you feel:
Does it feel good to interrogate? Do you feel more feminine or less?
Has it given you any results? What impact do you see it having on your date?
When you are present and letting things unfold naturally, you get to soften… and that’s a great thing!
If you fall into either of these camps I want you to commit to being present. Present enough to observe how he acts. Present enough to have a conversation that goes back and forth. Present enough to soften your feminine energy and enjoy the evening.
Remember, Rome wasn’t built in a day…neither was a relationship on a date.