“Where are all the good men!”
Chances are you’ve heard other women frustratingly express this sentiment about the lack of desirable partners available … or maybe you’ve thought it to yourself?
I’ve heard it plenty of times from my clients. Some are even ready to close up shop in their current city in hopes of greener pastures elsewhere.
But with men making up more than 50% of the population is it true?
Are all the good men gone?
This is a modern dating myth.
There are a plethora of incredible men searching for their Mrs. Right.
That’s great news, right?
So what exactly is the problem then?
Well, it’s two-fold.
Problem #1 is women are simply not meeting enough men.
Hollywood lied to you.
They sold you on Ryan Gosling swinging from a Ferris wheel until you finally agreed to go on a date with him, and what did you have to do?
Prince Charming came to you.
So, what is the moral of Hollywood’s story?
It’s that our job as a woman is to wait until something remarkable comes for us, and that simply leaves us with no agency in our love life.
Maybe you’ve put love on the back burner. You’ve been focused on your career and your friendships, and now when you’re ready for love, it seems like it’s nowhere to be found…
… And then when you finally meet somebody who’s “decent”, you come on way too strong, operating from a place of scarcity versus abundance.
We need to increase the odds.
You my dear need to meet more men, period.
When I’m saying meet, I’m not meaning analyze whether he’s going to be your baby daddy, but just have a chat. Flex that conversation muscle.
What this will do besides increasing your odds of meeting your future partner, is prep you to handle the conversation when he does come into your path.
Why is it that women can talk effortlessly to a guy they’re not interested in but when they meet a guy they’re attracted to, they revert to an awkward schoolgirl?
It’s because they are out of practice and they panic.
They don’t know how to flirt or carry on a conversation, and because they meet so few men when one is in front of them that they like, they think they found the golden ticket and get nervous.
Instead of showcasing how wonderful they are, they get in their own way.
If you approach dating like you approach any goal, you would set up certain practices around achieving it, right? Let’s say you want to get healthy; you’d hire a trainer or join a Pilates class. The point is you’d be an action-taker.
Now if you could imagine your future self one year from today, in a great relationship, what routines would you need to make that happen?
- Meet one new guy a day.
I hear you, you’re probably thinking, that sounds like a lot! But hold on. I’m not asking you to date the guy, I’m asking you to simply strike up a conversation with a new face every day. It can be as easy as asking for the time or getting them to weigh in on whether you order a chocolate croissant or almond. It’s really about getting out of your comfort zone and making conversation no big deal.
- Amplify what you already do.
If you work from home, go work from a coffee shop, or a co-working space. Put yourself in places where you increase the chances of interaction. If you go out on the weekends with your girlfriends, challenge yourself to talk to a guy at the bar. You can ask him what drink he recommends or if he’s been here before. It’s not rocket science.
The time to start is now.
Disclaimer: Sometimes the guy will be cold… a lemon.
That is okay! It’s not really about him anyway, it’s about you and your goals. Give yourself the permission and freedom to try.
What’s the worst he could say? I’m celiac.
Now, that’s not so bad, is it?
You may have remembered I said the problem was two-fold. The second challenge is that men are responding to women, and women are confused about how to interact with men. We will get there soon!
But for now lovely, go become a woman with a voice.