Who Foots The Bill?

Presenting a 21-century first date story, by moi.

The night is almost over…

You’ve had a great conversation, physical chemistry is on point, and all signs point to a second date.

After an “accidental” leg brush and some flirty eye contact, the waiter comes to the table and puts down the cheque.

You both ignore it, not flinching but continuing on with your conversation.
A few minutes later he reappears with the machine.
Your date slow motion reaches for the bill but glances at you with questioning eyes.


If you’ve been in the situation and found yourself conflicted, friend, you are not alone! This common modern-day dating conundrum happens on a weekly basis.

Leaving women with this question:

“By letting him pay… am I too much?”

So… we might as well address the elephant in the room.

By and large, if you have an honest, raw, lips-are-sealed conversation with most women they will say they want a guy to pick up the bill.

Why? Perhaps we still have that sweet spot for chivalry or maybe valuing security is deeply engrained in our DNA. Whatever the reason, most women want it.

So, why the heck can’t we own it?

… Maybe we feel the pressure of “woke dating culture” and think if we conform to any gender stereotypes, we are the problem.

… Maybe we’re concerned that he’ll perceive us as “materialistic” or “high maintenance” and go find a cheaper date.

… Maybe we question whether or not we’re worth it. Whether our age, appearance, or social status removes us from the category of women who deserve to be provided for.

In the above scenarios, it’s important to acknowledge what’s actually happening –

When you’re worried about being “too much” it’s usually in contrast to someone else’s opinion of what is “just right”.

So it begs the question, is this person’s opinion worth considering?

Opinions are the cheapest commodities on earth. Everyone has a flock of opinions ready to be wished upon anyone who will accept them.”
~ Napoleon Hill

So, are you “too much” if you expect a guy to pay on a date?

The answer is… it depends on who you’re asking.

If you’re asking a man who sees value in providing for the woman he’s with, it’s a no-brainer; he sees this as his responsibility.

If you’re asking a man who may not have a career or a sense of duty towards being a provider; he sees this as a nuisance.

If you’re asking a hardcore modern feminist she would likely advocate for going Dutch. She may even wonder “why do you even need a man in the first place?”

The point is everyone has an opinion.

If you’re a woman who values a man who has the desire to provide, that is more than okay. You just have to accept you may be “too much” for some, but “perfectly right” for others… and you only need one!

It is better to find men who share your values versus lowering yours to become more palatable, modern, or woke to appease the men or feminists you don’t even want to be dating!

The other important piece in all this, that often gets overlooked is your opinion.

Instead of always asking the question “am I too much?”

start asking: “Is he too little?”

We all don’t have to value the same things. It’s just so crucial to recognize whose voice is in your head!

Once you’ve got that clarity then analyze, “does this opinion bring you closer or further from the relationship you want?”.

*And just in case you’re on team “he pays”, (even secretly), 63% of men surveyed say they are right there with you! And that number rises to almost 100% if you go to Turkey, Mexico, Russia, Spain, or Brazil.

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