If I had a quarter for every time I heard a man say, “Women’s expectations nowadays are so unrealistic” …
… I’d probably be able to waltz on down to Christian Louboutin and pick myself up a brand new pair of “Kate’s”.
And while I’m still waiting on those quarters, it brings up an interesting question:
Are women’s expectations TOO high when it comes to dating?
Well… it depends.
I believe many of life’s greatest lessons can be learned through studying sports (tell me you’re a retired professional dancer, without telling me you’re a retired professional dancer).
Last weekend my husband and I watched The Redeem Team on Netflix. If you haven’t seen it, it’s about the US men’s basketball team’s journey for Olympic Gold.
Now this team had the best of the best… basketball superstars!
In one scene, a player recounts a night that shifted his perspective…
The whole team had been out partying and hazily arrived back at their hotel in Vegas at 5 am. On the way back to their rooms, ready to tuck in for the night, they see Kobe Bryant (who hadn’t been partying) in his gym gear on his way to work out.
To be clear… this guy trained ALL day, and did this on his time off.
Over the next few days, some of the guys followed suit…
… some traded in their party hats and tequila shots for workout gear and the chance to train beside a legend.
… others decided 5 am wasn’t their scene, but 7 am they could commit to.
I want to point out something very important here:
Kobe didn’t ASK any of the players to train like he did. These standards were his OWN. The players just saw his results and were inspired to follow suit.
Rule #1: Don’t EXPECT something from a partner that you yourself are not willing to do.
>>> Do you want a guy who is fit? Great! Are you?
>>> Do you want a guy who has a noble and strong character? Well who wouldn’t right? Now are you developing those parts of yourself as well?
The key here is to ask yourself (and answer honestly):
Do your expectations of others match the standards you have set for yourself?
Now to be clear, you DON’T need to be the same as your partner (nobody wants their clone), but both people need to feel that they are getting a fair value in their partner.
For example: If you got to a coffee shop today, you can expect to pay anywhere between $3-6 for a cappuccino. Most likely, you’re okay with that. However, if you went in tomorrow morning and they raised the price to a whooping $25 – it would likely no longer feel like a fair trade right?
It’s *exactly* the same when it comes to dating and relationships.
You need to be clear on the value YOU are bringing into a relationship, and in most cases, you should offer something different then what your ideal partner is contributing.
You want to be the missing puzzle piece.
And ladies in my experience of coaching, I can tell you one of the BIGGEST things men are craving (the desperately missing puzzle piece), is to find a feminine woman. They are starving for that peace, beauty, and softness that only a woman can bring into their life.
Hear me: They simply cannot get it anywhere else.
So, circling back to our initial question: Are our expectations too high?
Let me leave you with one more sports story for the road. Michael Jordan was one of the greatest athletes of all team. He was also well-known for being incredibly demanding of his teammates. As you can imagine, many people had a problem with this.
However, the way he reasoned it out I find to be quite profound, he said:
“People would say I wasn’t really a nice guy, I may have even been a tyrant… but that’s you, because you never wanted anything. I wanted to win, but I wanted them to win and be a part of that as well. It is who I am, it’s how I played the game. That was my mentality. If you don’t want to play that way, don’t play that way.”
As you can imagine, this is NOT the life for everyone. However, whether or not you want this life, you can respect the fact that since he leads by example, he has the right to expect it from his teammates.
So, in the same way you may have expectations that are high, and people may call you arrogant, demanding or high maintenance.
The only questions you need to ask yourself are:
- Are you living that way yourself?
- If you want your partner to treat you special, in a “XY&Z way“, what are the thing’s that you are going to bring to enrich his life? To be that winning teammate.