Take this for example: A woman I was chatting with recently shared how a simple discussion with her husband turned into a full-blown fiasco.

It started innocently enough—she called him at work to ask about hiring someone to clean their windows this month. No biggie, right?

He said, “Yes, let me look at the numbers, and I’ll confirm.”
So far, so good. She’s thinking, we’re on track here.

Then she asks, “Well, don’t we already know our numbers for the month? Can’t we just slip it into the budget?”
He replies, “I’m not sure; I’ll check in the next 30 minutes.”

Still smooth sailing.

Then she says, “Well, it has to get done.”

And that’s when the conversation took a detour into Anger-ville. He snapped, “Fine, I’ll just do it myself.”

Naturally, she wasn’t thrilled with that idea: “I don’t want you doing it—it’s dangerous!”

Cue the fireworks. The conversation went from zero to meltdown in no time.

She was left scratching her head, asking, “How does he get so angry so fast?!”

Now, here’s where it gets fun. Dr. Daniel Amen says: “Women’s brains are like a superhighway of connections, while men’s brains are more like a country road.”

Basically, we’re driving Ferraris, while they’re cruising on a scenic Sunday drive.

Let’s break it down with that in mind:

• Her world: She’s buzzing around, making dinner, texting her friends, and then—bam—she notices the windows look like they’ve been through a dust storm. Guests are coming over this weekend, so it’s officially urgent.
• His world: He’s at work, deep in the zone, laser-focused on his task.

She shoots him a quick call. To her, it’s just another stop on the highway. But to him, it’s like throwing a boulder onto that peaceful country road.

Did he really go from 0 to 100 in 60 seconds? Let’s look closer:

• 0: He starts off calm and collected: “Sure, I’ll check the budget.”
• 20: He asks for 30 minutes—translation: I can’t just drop everything right now, but give me a sec.
• 40: She’s pushing—“It needs to get done,” with that extra sprinkle of urgency.
• 60: He’s hit his frustration limit—“Fine, I’ll do it myself.”

Boom. Just like that, the peace of the countryside is disturbed.

The reality? She didn’t see what she did as a problem because—let’s be honest—she’s the queen of multitasking. We women are out here rocking the baby, stirring the soup, applying mascara, and still texting back our friends. He, on the other hand, needs to focus on one thing at a time. Like, one. Thing.

So, how do we keep the conversation on track?

1. Timing is Everything: Calling him mid-workday to ask about window cleaning? That’s a no-go. Pick a better time, like when he’s not knee-deep in a project.
2. Set the Stage: Start with, “Is now a good time to talk?” or “Can we chat later today?” That way, he’s ready for the conversation, instead of being ambushed by it.
3. Beware the Transitions: When he’s first switching gears—like just getting in the car or walking through the door after work—his brain is still adjusting. Give him a little time to get settled, and then dive into your conversation.

It Takes Two: The Tango of Understanding

Now, don’t get me wrong—this isn’t just about women making all the adjustments. This is a partnership, after all. Yes, we can be mindful of timing, but he can also learn to recognize when we’re juggling a million things at once and give us some grace.

It’s all about finding your rhythm. Relationships thrive when both people are in sync. When we understand each other’s speeds—whether it’s the fast-paced multitasking freeway or the more focused country road—things just run a whole lot smoother.

So, no, it’s not about one person constantly adjusting. It’s about both of you learning the dance—because when you’re both in step, even the trickiest conversations become a whole lot easier to navigate.

Recognizing these differences and adjusting the way you communicate can turn those explosive moments into smooth conversations. After all, when you’re both tuned in to each other, life’s a lot sweeter.

And hey, maybe next time, the windows will get cleaned without the fireworks.

We’re sitting at dinner, and she shows me a guy she’s planning to meet for coffee. Cute, I say. She goes, Yeah, he’s alright—with a casual shrug.

Then she says, “I’ve been getting a lot of interest lately on the apps from really attractive men.”

Amazing! Show me, I say, getting all excited.

She pulls up this guy who liked her photo, and I have to admit, he’s a looker. I nod approvingly. So, when are you meeting him?

Oh no, I’m not going to meet him.

What do you mean? I ask, genuinely confused.

He’s too attractive. He won’t be into me.

And just like that… she disqualified herself before the game even began. This guy had already shown interest—liked her photo, engaged with her—yet she still wrote it off.

It’s not the first time either. I’ve been out with this same friend on multiple occasions, where guys are clearly interested in chatting her up, but she seems totally oblivious.

Then, as we’re leaving, she’ll say, “No guys were into me tonight.” And I’m left thinking, Were we even in the same room?

Here’s my two cents, because I’ve seen this scenario play out one too many times:

1. Get out of your head.

This isn’t just about my friend; it’s something I see women do all the time. We often let our insecurities run the show, blinding us to the interest and opportunities right in front of us.

The truth is, when we’re so caught up in our own doubts and fears, we miss the real, tangible connections happening around us. It’s like having a conversation with someone but being too distracted by the noise in your head to actually hear them.

The next time you find yourself in a social situation, try to let go of those nagging thoughts. Focus on being present, open, and playful. You might be surprised by what you notice when you’re truly tuned in.

2. Why not you?

It’s easy to disqualify yourself from opportunities—whether it’s a job, a relationship, or even just the chance to meet someone new—before you’ve even given it a shot. But here’s the thing: if you don’t put yourself out there, you’re missing out on life.

The world is full of possibilities, and there’s no reason why you shouldn’t be the one to seize them. Ask yourself, Why not me? The answer might surprise you.

Whether it’s going for that promotion, saying yes to a date, or just trying something new, remember that you are just as deserving as anyone else. Boldness has opened doors for me that I never expected, and it can do the same for you.

Here’s the thing—I got my start as a professional dancer by being a little naïve and a lot bold. I signed up for an intro dance package, and while I was waiting for my lesson to start, I found myself alone in the ballroom.

Turns out, it was the time when all the teachers had their meeting. So, when the studio owner walked out, I blurted out, “Hey, what would I need to do to work here?”

He was a little shocked, but he said, “Let’s set up a meeting.” And the rest, as they say, is history.

Now, I’m grateful for my bold moves, but I’ve also gone through seasons in life when that bold spirit disappeared. It’s usually followed by a time of challenge, illness, a breakup, a loss.

In those moments, it’s hard not to wear your losses like a heavy coat. But you get to decide whether or not you strap them on each day.

Everyone suffers blows—that’s part of life. But how we interpret those blows is what really matters.

• Lost a competition? What can you do differently to win the next one?
• Lost a relationship? Ask yourself—was it even the right relationship for you?
• Were there skills you were missing to make it succeed? If so, go work on them.
• Going through grief? Feel the sadness, but if it starts to overwhelm you, reach out and talk to someone who can help you process.

One of my incredible clients went through the loss of her husband. She started attending grief groups, which helped at first, but then she noticed something—some people had been there for years.

Their grief had become their identity. To the point where they no longer had joy.

My client decided she didn’t want to wear her grief forever. She took off that heavy coat and chose to step into the light, embracing the joy and possibilities that were waiting for her.

So, here’s one last thought… what if we expected joy? What if we approached life with a sense of play?

What if we expected our interactions with people to be fun? Don’t you think that going into life with that attitude, 9 times out of 10, we’d be rewarded?

Sure, we might get a sour lemon every now and then, but those other 9 times? Pure magic.

So why not you? Why not now? The game’s already started, and I’m betting on you to win.

That one side of the puzzle is assembled, while the other side stays untouched.

When we get into discussions about how to access our feminine energy, the emphasis often centers around learning to receive, appreciating beauty, and cultivating inner peace.

Undoubtedly, these qualities are important, but they do not encompass the entirety of the story.

It’s actually a major pet peeve of mine when I hear teachings that solely focus on the “sweet” side of femininity. This one-dimensional portrayal of women is precisely why so many reject and even fear embracing any of it. Images of Stepford’s wives and handmaids come to mind…  

If that resonates with you too, stick with me.

When we talk about qualities like receiving, appreciating beauty, and a sense of play and joy, it’s easy to draw parallels with the younger stages of being a woman.

When we’re kids, our worries are lighter (or at least they should be), and our focus on our perceived flaws are less pronounced. We naturally possess a sense of confidence and magic until it’s disturbed.

I view this stage as the Princess Era of femininity – a time when we embody innocence, grace, and untainted self-worth. For many of us, what we need to do is reclaim this stage.

However, that’s not on the agenda today – today we’re talking about the Queen Era.

If you’ve ever played chess, you know that the Queen is the ultimate boss lady of all the chess pieces. She is the most versatile and influential piece. She also has the ability to strike with sheer force when necessary.  To help you step into your own Queen Era, I want to spotlight 4 traits to focus on:

Intelligence, Intuition, Mystery, and Strength.

Intelligence:

However you divide up your roles, whether you’re a homemaker or CEO, it’s absolutely crucial to connect with your partner and approach life with intelligence and intention. Sharpening the saw is key.

Invest in learning about human dynamics, influence, communication, and negotiation. The skills will not only serve you, but also those you choose to align yourself with.

Oh, and let’s not forget how important it is to find a partner who matches your mental prowess. I’ve noticed many women who settle for partners who, honestly, don’t prioritize deep thinking (or thinking at all). That boyish charm and carefree spirit may seem fun in the beginning but a man who is an idiot will bring you serious stress and pain down the road.

And the flip side – if your partner doesn’t see you as someone who can bring vision and intelligence into your conversations, he might stick around, but seek advice and guidance from other people instead of turning to you.

Bottom line: Embrace intelligence. Develop wisdom and discernment. Kick the habits that keep you dumb.

Mystery:

Ah, mystery. It’s a concept that I believe women often overlook.

Mystery refers to something that is difficult to grasp or fully comprehend. When it comes to the dynamics between men and women, there will always be an element of mystery because we are fundamentally wired in different ways.

Yet, what I often notice is women unintentionally forfeit their mystique due to nerves. They talk and talk, and talk some more, feeling the need to be completely transparent or fearing they’ll burst if they don’t spill every single word. But here’s the truth:

Maintaining a sense of mystery requires an immense amount of confidence.

Let me share a little secret with you – ever heard the saying, “The one who speaks first in a sale loses”? Well, it’s kind of related to what I’m talking about here. I’ve witnessed women completely laying their cards on the table, revealing their every thought and emotion, all because of those pesky nerves. It’s time to cultivate a well of confidence and observe others.

Instead of rushing to fill every silence or divulge every detail, take a step back. Allow moments of intrigue and curiosity to brew. Get comfortable with the unknown.

Remember. The power lies not only in what you reveal but also in what you choose to withhold. Embrace your enigmatic side, and watch the magic unfold.

Intuition:

Intuition is undoubtedly one of the most incredible superpowers that women possess.  Like a Queen who intuitively recognizes who should be by her king’s side and within her family circle, our gut instincts guide us in powerful ways.

Time and time again, I’ve experienced this with my husband, where my intuition would signal that someone wanting to hang around him was bad news – and guess what? Time and time again, I’ve been proven right. Now, he actually checks in with me, asking, “What’s your feeling about so-and-so?” before engaging with them.

Now, let’s break it down for a moment. Intuition, by definition, is the ability to acquire knowledge without relying on conscious reasoning or needing a logical explanation.

It’s that deep inner knowing that guides us. But here’s the thing, my queens—we need to strengthen our intuition by creating moments of stillness, where we can actually hear its whispers. In a world that constantly bombards us with overstimulation and distractions, many women have lost touch with their intuition altogether.

And when I say “fine-tune,” I mean acquiring skills that sharpen our intuition.

Sometimes, we get a feeling about someone that we can’t quite put into words. It could be that we caught a fleeting micro-expression of contempt that we’ve learned to recognize through experience. Learning to read body language and micro-expressions can tremendously enhance our intuition’s development.

Other times it’s not the “hearing it” that’s the problem… it’s trusting. For every relationship I’ve had that wasn’t great, my intuition was screaming from the beginning, “Sarah, stay away”.

So, cultivate, listen, and learn how to express your intuition in a way that people actually trust and want to listen to you.

Strength:

Lately, I’ve been seeing femininity spaces reject strength.

Women at large saying they no longer want to be strong, independent women.

And I understand the sentiment behind it. It often stems from their experiences of having to shoulder the burdens when dealing with deadbeat dads or partners who shirk their responsibilities. In that context, I completely get it, but the issue here lies not in strength itself, but in the presence of abuse.

When we face trials, we develop perseverance and character. We transform into women of fortitude, embodying resilience in the face of adversity.

Now, should we choose to live in perpetual struggle? Absolutely not. Strength should lead us to gain enough wisdom, enabling us to break free from repeating certain mistakes. We should want to acquire the skill sets necessary to make those challenging situations less common in our lives.

However, real talk: Trouble will undoubtedly find its way into our lives because, well, that’s just how life works. In those moments, we want to be equipped with enough internal strength and character to navigate through the storm.

So, let’s reclaim the power of strength, reframing it as a force that empowers us and shields us from being taken advantage of. Strength brings confidence. It assures that whatever life throws your way, you can handle it with grace, tenacity, and unwavering inner strength.

A woman is not one-dimensional. She is multi-faceted and can provide so much beauty and value to the people around her. If you’ve been sold on the sugar but not the spice, know that both are important.

Remember, the Queen Era is not a replacement for the “princess” era; rather, it’s an expansion of it. It’s a time when we can merge our innate princess-like qualities with wisdom, strength, and purpose.

Think of it as your regal evolution that allows you to reign with grace and authority, and make empowered decisions that influence and leave a lasting impact.

… I’d probably be able to waltz on down to Christian Louboutin and pick myself up a brand new pair of “Kate’s”.  

And while I’m still waiting on those quarters, it brings up an interesting question:

Are women’s expectations TOO high when it comes to dating?

Well… it depends.

I believe many of life’s greatest lessons can be learned through studying sports (tell me you’re a retired professional dancer, without telling me you’re a retired professional dancer).

Last weekend my husband and I watched The Redeem Team on Netflix. If you haven’t seen it, it’s about the US men’s basketball team’s journey for Olympic Gold.

Now this team had the best of the best… basketball superstars!

In one scene, a player recounts a night that shifted his perspective…

The whole team had been out partying and hazily arrived back at their hotel in Vegas at 5 am. On the way back to their rooms, ready to tuck in for the night, they see Kobe Bryant (who hadn’t been partying) in his gym gear on his way to work out.

To be clear… this guy trained ALL day, and did this on his time off.

Over the next few days, some of the guys followed suit…

… some traded in their party hats and tequila shots for workout gear and the chance to train beside a legend.

… others decided 5 am wasn’t their scene, but 7 am they could commit to.

I want to point out something very important here:

Kobe didn’t ASK any of the players to train like he did. These standards were his OWN. The players just saw his results and were inspired to follow suit.

Rule #1: Don’t EXPECT something from a partner that you yourself are not willing to do.

>>> Do you want a guy who is fit? Great! Are you?

>>> Do you want a guy who has a noble and strong character? Well who wouldn’t right? Now are you developing those parts of yourself as well?

The key here is to ask yourself (and answer honestly):

Do your expectations of others match the standards you have set for yourself?

Now to be clear, you DON’T need to be the same as your partner (nobody wants their clone), but both people need to feel that they are getting a fair value in their partner.

For example: If you got to a coffee shop today, you can expect to pay anywhere between $3-6 for a cappuccino. Most likely, you’re okay with that. However, if you went in tomorrow morning and they raised the price to a whooping $25 – it would likely no longer feel like a fair trade right?

It’s *exactly* the same when it comes to dating and relationships.

You need to be clear on the value YOU are bringing into a relationship, and in most cases, you should offer something different then what your ideal partner is contributing.

You want to be the missing puzzle piece.

And ladies in my experience of coaching, I can tell you one of the BIGGEST things men are craving (the desperately missing puzzle piece), is to find a feminine woman. They are starving for that peace, beauty, and softness that only a woman can bring into their life.

Hear me: They simply cannot get it anywhere else.

So, circling back to our initial question: Are our expectations too high?

Let me leave you with one more sports story for the road. Michael Jordan was one of the greatest athletes of all team. He was also well-known for being incredibly demanding of his teammates. As you can imagine, many people had a problem with this.

However, the way he reasoned it out I find to be quite profound, he said:

“People would say I wasn’t really a nice guy, I may have even been a tyrant… but that’s you, because you never wanted anything. I wanted to win, but I wanted them to win and be a part of that as well. It is who I am, it’s how I played the game. That was my mentality. If you don’t want to play that way, don’t play that way.”

As you can imagine, this is NOT the life for everyone. However, whether or not you want this life, you can respect the fact that since he leads by example, he has the right to expect it from his teammates.

So, in the same way you may have expectations that are high, and people may call you arrogant, demanding or high maintenance.

The only questions you need to ask yourself are:

1. Are you living that way yourself?
2. If you want your partner to treat you special, in a “XY&Z way“, what are the thing’s that you are going to bring to enrich his life? To be that winning teammate.

With 2 older brothers and a highly competitive father, our weekly foosball matches were not only a display of skill… but a battle of wits.

Being the youngest and the only girl, I felt like I had a lot to prove.

So, naturally, I gave myself a set of rules:

1. Be great: Train harder, and be better at foosball than they are.
2. Be fearless: Don’t let them see you sweat.
3. Be serious: Don’t give them any reason to doubt your competency.

These rules guided me not only on match day but throughout the week.

I never wanted to be perceived as silly, because obviously, that violated rule #3. So, I’d weigh my interests against my brothers, and draw my conclusions from there.

You can probably imagine why I felt the need to hide my love of Claudia Schiffer’s “perfectly fit abs” workout tapes.

I did them, but I hid them.

The second they left the house, I would pop in the VHS (taking it back old school), move around the furniture, and get my sweat on.

I felt strong, powerful, and beautiful, and by the time they got home, they were none the wiser.

Looking back my brothers would’ve loved this for me. They never gave me any reason to think caring about my appearance was shallow, and they actually celebrated and treasured the fact I was a girl.

I just assumed it made me weak and reasoned they’d probably think that too.

>>> Fast forward to high school

Now the boys were paying me attention and it was the girls who were doing the trash-talking. Just fabulous!

It was during this time that my take on “beauty” got really distorted.

After a guy friend, whom I previously declined dating, said:

“Sarah all the guys think you’re hot, and because of that they assume you’re easy.”

EASY… that stung.

So in my mind, my own beauty was becoming quite the issue.

It was the culprit for women disliking me and it was giving men the wrong idea.

I decided to minimize it.

Beauty was not my friend; it was my adversary.

That scene from Mean Girls sums it up pretty well…

 “You’re like really pretty,” the Queen B Regina George says to the new girl.

Cady thanks her.

Regina immediately snaps back… “So you agree, you think you’re really pretty?

I spent the next few years trying to make myself palatable and unthreatening to this gaggle of mean girls and avoided any situation where a guy could possibly get close.

It never felt good.

I felt out of sync with myself. On the one hand, I enjoyed looking nice and having fun with beauty, on the other, I visualized that big red target on my back.

It pissed me right off that I had to dim myself to make insecure women feel comfortable.

I went back and forth and concluded that a serious woman would never give much thought to something so trivial as her own beauty…

… and she would never let her beauty bring her advantages.

Nope, you couldn’t call me shallow… but I was dumb.

Here’s why:

Those women? They would’ve found something to dig on regardless.

That’s just who they were!

I didn’t inspire them to be more confident, I just handed them the keys to strip my own.

And the men? I let one bitter little boy convince me that all men thought the way he did. When in reality, he was just wounded by the rejection.

I’ve come to learn since that men are inspired by beauty. For them it’s not trivial, it’s lifegiving! They literally have gone to war for it.

In a similar way to how a strong and steady man can put a woman at ease, our beauty inspires and brings color to their life.

I came face to face with myself:

Me denying or minimizing the importance of it was a solid “me problem”.

Comments like this followed me throughout my life, but my reaction to them has changed dramatically.

I started to see trash-talking women for what they were… jealous and insecure.

Whether it was my looks or my career success, they were always going to find a reason to try to discredit me and break my confidence.

So I stopped giving them rent space in my head.  

I started to enjoy my beauty and have fun with it, and I attracted so many women who stood beside me enjoying theirs!

And when it comes to men now… I’ll gladly take every held door, every complimentary word, and the double takes I get throughout the day when my hubby walks by.  

We all have our superpowers:

Intelligence, drive, humor, beauty, empathy … the list goes on.

Some things are natural gifts, and some are developed.

Who gets to say what is trivial?

Why are we okay to delight in beauty when it comes in the shape of a flaming sunset, a snow-capped mountain, toffee-colored roses, or breathtaking architecture, but not when it comes to ourselves?

Why do feel guilty when it comes to celebrating and enjoying our own God-given beauty? Are we not as worthy as a rose?

Why are we okay to compliment young girls on how magical and beautiful they are, but as grown women, we write our beauty off?

You my dear, are a whole person: inside and out!

Your beauty is a gift.

I want to encourage you to step into, fully embrace, and own the absolutely gorgeous woman you are.

And the next time someone tries to throw you shade just, “go on and brush your shoulders off”.

… Is this thing on?

Ladies, I want you to write this one down because it’s important:”

“It’s not the bounce of your hair, your cup size, or your Jessica Rabbit “esque” energy that is going to attract the relationship you want.”

Will it warm your bed? Absolutely, but I’m guessing that’s not ALL your after.

We’ve been sold beauty filters and a conveyer belt of magic products, all guaranteeing they work as a siren call for men.

But you want to know the REAL secret…

… The one that can bring a man to his knees (I’m talking about proposals hunny!)

CONFIDENCE!

Yep, I see you… shaking your head over there.

Thinking to yourself, “Wow Sarah. Thank you SO much! I’ve never been let in on that golden nugget! My guy problems? Suddenly resolved!”

To that I say –

You may have heard it before, but did you understand?

There are 2 issues that come up whenever I talk to women about confidence –

1. They truly don’t believe this is the #1 “big deal” thing for men. They may say they do, but it only takes a few minutes before they’re back to fixating on cup size and shiny hair.

OR

2. They may actually believe it but they don’t know how to cultivate it.

So first, am I going to sit here and tell you attraction doesn’t matter?

Absolutely not! Attraction is vital in a relationship.

You want your man to want you (and when you look good, you feel good, and that’s a confidence builder to my friend!).

What I AM going to tell you is obsessing over how you look and how sexual you come off is only going to accomplish 1 major thing from men –

It is going to make them want to have sex with you.

Wham, bam, thank you, ma’am!

But I’m guessing you want more… not only a man who wants to bed you but someone who wants to love and cherish you too.

The real good stuff.

So what would happen if we actually believed men when they said confidence makes their hearts flutter…

… That it is the #1 thing that pulls them in, that makes them want to keep you warm, safe, and feeling like a queen …

… Well, I guess that would mean we’d have to trust men!

Dum da da dum

Trust! Make men not our adversaries, but someone we believe.

Hot dang! Nowadays, that type of chatter can get you canceled, but it doesn’t mean it’s any.less.true.

So, if you decided you were going to do that, you said –

“I ____ _____ solemnly swear to believe that men value confidence over all else”.

Then that takes us to the second question, how do you cultivate it?

I want you to cultivate confidence not just to attract a man, but to be the most vibrant, beautiful, unstoppable version of yourself you could be.

Let’s start with what you’re not going to do –

You will not fake it till you make it.

Simply because it doesn’t really work and you feel terrible while you’re doing it.

But you, you my dear, are going to instead prove a success record.

You are going to produce something multiple times until you have developed the confidence that you can do it.

A simple example: You get up and you make your bed. The next day you do it again. You make that bed for a month… and you’ve got yourself a success record!

You have demonstrated to yourself that you are a person who consistently makes their bed. You can rely on yourself to do that. You can have confidence in it, and not one person can take it away because you know it to be true.

Now that may sound like a silly example,

But what if you set a standard and you abided by it?

What if you set a goal? And you consistently did steps towards it?

What if you were a woman who made good on what she said?

Would that cultivate some confidence?

YES! YES! YES!

So to put a bow on this, let’s land here.

Do you want to know why self-confidence is so key for men?

When you have confidence, they can relax.

He gets to look at you and recognize that you don’t need rescuing.

Him having a place by your side is because you desire him to be there… and that my dear is incredibly sexy!

The night is almost over…

You’ve had a great conversation, physical chemistry is on point, and all signs point to a second date.

After an “accidental” leg brush and some flirty eye contact, the waiter comes to the table and puts down the cheque.

You both ignore it, not flinching but continuing on with your conversation.
A few minutes later he reappears with the machine.
Your date slow motion reaches for the bill but glances at you with questioning eyes.

What.do.you.do?

If you’ve been in the situation and found yourself conflicted, friend, you are not alone! This common modern-day dating conundrum happens on a weekly basis.

Leaving women with this question:

“By letting him pay… am I too much?”

So… we might as well address the elephant in the room.

By and large, if you have an honest, raw, lips-are-sealed conversation with most women they will say they want a guy to pick up the bill.

Why? Perhaps we still have that sweet spot for chivalry or maybe valuing security is deeply engrained in our DNA. Whatever the reason, most women want it.

So, why the heck can’t we own it?

… Maybe we feel the pressure of “woke dating culture” and think if we conform to any gender stereotypes, we are the problem.

… Maybe we’re concerned that he’ll perceive us as “materialistic” or “high maintenance” and go find a cheaper date.

… Maybe we question whether or not we’re worth it. Whether our age, appearance, or social status removes us from the category of women who deserve to be provided for.

In the above scenarios, it’s important to acknowledge what’s actually happening –

When you’re worried about being “too much” it’s usually in contrast to someone else’s opinion of what is “just right”.

So it begs the question, is this person’s opinion worth considering?

“Opinions are the cheapest commodities on earth. Everyone has a flock of opinions ready to be wished upon anyone who will accept them.”
~ Napoleon Hill

So, are you “too much” if you expect a guy to pay on a date?

The answer is… it depends on who you’re asking.

If you’re asking a man who sees value in providing for the woman he’s with, it’s a no-brainer; he sees this as his responsibility.

If you’re asking a man who may not have a career or a sense of duty towards being a provider; he sees this as a nuisance.

If you’re asking a hardcore modern feminist she would likely advocate for going Dutch. She may even wonder “why do you even need a man in the first place?”

The point is everyone has an opinion.

If you’re a woman who values a man who has the desire to provide, that is more than okay. You just have to accept you may be “too much” for some, but “perfectly right” for others… and you only need one!

It is better to find men who share your values versus lowering yours to become more palatable, modern, or woke to appease the men or feminists you don’t even want to be dating!

The other important piece in all this, that often gets overlooked is your opinion.

Instead of always asking the question “am I too much?” …

… start asking: “Is he too little?”

We all don’t have to value the same things. It’s just so crucial to recognize whose voice is in your head!

Once you’ve got that clarity then analyze, “does this opinion bring you closer or further from the relationship you want?”.

*And just in case you’re on team “he pays”, (even secretly), 63% of men surveyed say they are right there with you! And that number rises to almost 100% if you go to Turkey, Mexico, Russia, Spain, or Brazil.

… healthier eating, cross-fit, or waking up at a certain time.

But can we just pause for a second and talk about the word routine?

A routine is defined as:

“A habit or mechanical performance of an established procedure.”

With that beguiling definition, it should come as no surprise that only a mere 9% of people claim their resolutions yield success.

Don’t get me wrong, habits are fantastic!

You need great habits to make great things happen but when you do “a mechanical performance of an established procedure”, does it get your feminine vibrancy going? Are you inspired?

My guess is no!

It’s task orientated. A get-it-done mentality. Check it off and fuggedaboudit!

And yes, sometimes that feels good too but what would it look like if we shifted our focus from creating good habits to creating rituals?

A ritual creates a different feeling toward action. A more inspired feeling. A more infused feeling. Let me show you what I mean by illustrating a morning routine through the lens of a habit-based approach, then a ritual-based approach.

A Habit Approach…

I get up, make my bed, then check my phone. Pop in for a quick shower and spend a few minutes on my makeup. I grab my coffee and take it to go. Sipping about half of it before my first meeting.

Now, if we infuse some Feminine Ritual into this equation

I get up and begin my morning with my favorite cedarwood essential oil. As I make my bed, the scent gently wakes me up. I take a quiet 5 minutes to reflect and write in my gratitude journal, priming my mind for the day.

I hop in the shower and play my morning playlist. For me, it would be either French café or Bossa Nova. I give myself time to apply my skincare and enjoy getting myself ready for the day.

I grab my coffee, and I sit for the first few sips or the whole cup if I’ve given myself the time; tasting the flavors.

It’s different, right?

​Often we think it takes a lot more time to create something special but it’s simply not true. Adding a little bit of essential oil, 5 minutes to reflect, and playing some music sets up a very different start to the day.

The first scenario feels like you’re running on someone else’s treadmill, already late for your OWN darn life. But when you fill your life with rituals, you dictate your time. You choose to create your own beautiful life!

This week I encourage you to look at your morning, and take some steps to infuse a little ritual into it! You’re worth it babe!

Is it her appearance, her personality, how she spends her time…

Yes, all of these things have an impact, but they’re pretty darn vague if you ask me.

Because I’m here for the tangible tools (can I get an amen!). Philosophizing is great, but it leaves some mighty big gaps in figuring out the actual next best step.

If you’re a woman on a mission to elevate your femininity there are 3 areas you need to concentrate on:

1. Your Brand
2. Your Behaviours
3. Your Beliefs

Today we’re going to focus on your brand.

Think of the brand as the dazzle! The party! The fun!

It’s what we see first, and it either entices us to come closer or drives us away.

3 things make up Your Brand:

• Your Body Language
• Your Style
• Your Voice & Vocabulary

Let’s look at your body language…

To say that the way you carry yourself is important, would be the understatement of the year. This skill is ESSENTIAL to develop!

The way you sit, stand, move and gesture is going to be a big determining factor if doors open for you, or if they slam in your face.

Studies show that it takes less than 4 seconds to make a non-verbal first impression… that’s not a lot of time.

Worse though… if it’s a bad impression, it takes 8 subsequent positive ones to cancel it out! That’s a lot of work that could’ve been avoided.

Ready for some good news?

Thought so!

Incredible body language is a highly learnable skill. It’s available to anyone who wants it, and all that’s required is the right information and practice.

The best place to start is to take stock of what your body language is communicating now. With my private clients, I start by having them film themselves from all angles: walking, sitting, and standing.

Then get to work!

Let’s talk about personal style and appearance…

Maybe you think looks shouldn’t matter, but let’s examine that for a moment.

We have such a finite amount of time, and an infinite amount of people that we can connect with… because of that, we make snap judgments all the time!

When you are well put together and have your sense of style, you are taking control of the message you’re communicating.

Think of it like this:

If 2 people walk into an interview who had the same level of skills, but one looks great, and the other looks average, who would you give the job to?

It’s a no-brainer, right?

Style is not a superficial notion.

It tells us whether someone takes care of what they’ve been given.

If this is new for you, it’s never too late to get started!

Trust me, the differences you will notice in how you feel and how others treat you, will be well worth it!

Let’s talk Voice and Vocabulary…

This breaks down into 2 parts:

1. The sound and speed of your voice
2. The words you choose to use

Have you ever felt exhausted or attacked after a conversation?

Often that comes down to the pace of their speech, the volume of their voice, and if there was any variation of emotion.

Many women speak waaaaaay too fast! Whether it’s nerves or not, it’s something you want to be aware of. Build in pauses in your speech.

Equate fast talking to someone speed walking straight towards you…

…not a good look!

The other thing you want to pay attention to is the sound of your voice.

Do you speak too loudly? Too softly? What does your voice say about you?

The next thing to consider is the words you choose.

We need to give a swift kick to the *filler words*:

um/uh/well/so/like/you know.

These words detract from your perceived confidence. They often come into play when you’re multi-tasking… processing while speaking. The best remedy is to formulate your thoughts, then clearly say your points.

Next up? Your word choice.

I meet so many women who say they can’t get guys to stop treating them like one of them… the problem is they sound just like them!

Pro Tip: If you don’t want to be one of the guys, stop talking like them!

This can be the casual “dude” or “man”, or excess cursing. Now, to clarify, I’m no saint. I appreciate a good expletive when the time calls for it. A strategically placed word for impact, versus assaulting your sentences with swear words is very different.

Choose your words wisely!

Bottom line: You have a brand whether you’re aware of it or not. If you are wanting to build a feminine brand, taking note of these 3 skills and putting them into action will get you well on your way!

Sound familiar?

Chances are you’ve heard other women frustratingly express this sentiment about the lack of desirable partners available … or maybe you’ve thought it to yourself?

I’ve heard it plenty of times from my clients. Some are even ready to close up shop in their current city in hopes of greener pastures elsewhere.

But with men making up more than 50% of the population is it true?

Are all the good men gone?

No.

This is a modern dating myth.

There are a plethora of incredible men searching for their Mrs. Right.

That’s great news, right?

So what exactly is the problem then?

Well, it’s two-fold.

Problem #1 is women are simply not meeting enough men.

Hollywood lied to you.

They sold you on Ryan Gosling swinging from a Ferris wheel until you finally agreed to go on a date with him, and what did you have to do?

Absolutely nothing!

Prince Charming came to you.

So, what is the moral of Hollywood’s story?

It’s that our job as a woman is to wait until something remarkable comes for us, and that simply leaves us with no agency in our love life.

Maybe you’ve put love on the back burner. You’ve been focused on your career and your friendships, and now when you’re ready for love, it seems like it’s nowhere to be found…

… And then when you finally meet somebody who’s “decent”, you come on way too strong, operating from a place of scarcity versus abundance.

We need to increase the odds.

You my dear need to meet more men, period.

When I’m saying meet, I’m not meaning analyze whether he’s going to be your baby daddy, but just have a chat. Flex that conversation muscle.

What this will do besides increasing your odds of meeting your future partner, is prep you to handle the conversation when he does come into your path.

Why is it that women can talk effortlessly to a guy they’re not interested in but when they meet a guy they’re attracted to, they revert to an awkward schoolgirl?

It’s because they are out of practice and they panic.

They don’t know how to flirt or carry on a conversation, and because they meet so few men when one is in front of them that they like, they think they found the golden ticket and get nervous.

Instead of showcasing how wonderful they are, they get in their own way.

If you approach dating like you approach any goal, you would set up certain practices around achieving it, right? Let’s say you want to get healthy; you’d hire a trainer or join a Pilates class. The point is you’d be an action-taker.

Now if you could imagine your future self one year from today, in a great relationship, what routines would you need to make that happen?

Action Steps:

1. Meet one new guy a day.

I hear you, you’re probably thinking, that sounds like a lot! But hold on. I’m not asking you to date the guy, I’m asking you to simply strike up a conversation with a new face every day. It can be as easy as asking for the time or getting them to weigh in on whether you order a chocolate croissant or almond. It’s really about getting out of your comfort zone and making conversation no big deal.

2. Amplify what you already do.

If you work from home, go work from a coffee shop, or a co-working space. Put yourself in places where you increase the chances of interaction. If you go out on the weekends with your girlfriends, challenge yourself to talk to a guy at the bar. You can ask him what drink he recommends or if he’s been here before. It’s not rocket science.

The time to start is now.

Disclaimer: Sometimes the guy will be cold… a lemon.

That is okay! It’s not really about him anyway, it’s about you and your goals. Give yourself the permission and freedom to try.

What’s the worst he could say? I’m celiac.

Now, that’s not so bad, is it?

You may have remembered I said the problem was two-fold. The second challenge is that men are responding to women, and women are confused about how to interact with men. We will get there soon!

But for now lovely, go become a woman with a voice.